Avid followers will recall that I am convinced that overseas travel leads to instant death. My mother, Teresa, who should know better, told me today about a friend of a friend who got attacked on a bus in Mexico and had all her things stolen. I was exchanging all my life savings at the time. The bonus of this rather distressing interaction was that I remembered it was time to update my will.
This REPLACES The Last Will and Testament of Ms Maeve Marsden Esq.
Money shall be shared equally between my siblings and Anna Martin (because she's my wife)*.
* Mim Spring shall receive sufficient funds to help kickstart Mim's Sorbet, providing that if she sells it out of our backyard, the venue must be called Maeve's Backyard Bar. And Kate must sing our theme tune.
Amy Coopes shall receive anything practical I own for the purposes of:
a) being intrepid
b) frustrating Nic with middle-aged lesbian fashions.
Items including but not limited to kick-ass tent, self inflating mattress which does not self inflate, ugly walking shoes.
MollyPenny can have whatever they want because secretly I love them more than most people.
As per previous will, Laura Joseph can have my skull. And some bones. These should be fashioned into a skull and crossbones shaped shrine which must remain in Laura's home forever. Oooh, it can be a feature item at the Hell Party. She can also have her DVDs back. And some of mine as commission.
As per previous will, the ovaries are still going to Cameron Power. However I feel I lacked vision here and really he should get my uterus as well. He could get it transplanted for ease of babymaking. Baby shall be called Maeve 2.0.
Danielle Warby has requested that I not die. As such, if I do die, she must design a t-shirt with a picture of me on it and a speech bubble saying "I told you so." She can also have my pink soccer ball because someone told me once that she likes soccer. And she can have my jewellery for that jewellery making hobby we trawled the Blue Mountains in preparation for. And my china cat collection.
In addition to items previously bequeathed, Sally Shrubb can have my tea cups. But she must say something offensive and un-PC to anyone who drinks out of them in my honour.
Beth Allen can have all my clothes. And can live in the knowledge that if she'd said yes, we would have married and enjoyed a sexless romance of trading baked goods for clothing.
Emily Spencer can have my teeth, which she should fashion into a multimedia art exhibition to raise funds for orphans getting access to dental care. She can also have my computer so she doesn't have a panic attack every time hers breaks. She should email Archie Panjabi and bring her to my funeral as her date and should make out with her as close as possible to my lifeless form.
Phoebe Meredith, now sole owner of Blackcat Productions inherits the madness. It seems some days she can read my mind, so as such, I don't need to bequeath. She knows what she gets.
Annabelle Taillandier can have any food in my cupboards and she can also have my large French / English dictionary. And my copy of Harry Potter in French. She should wear her little hat and happy pants to my funeral and is only allowed to speak Spanish for a month after my death. She should give a eulogy in Spanish also. And should write it on a piece of paper that she subsequently loses and has to run around looking for in a panic.
Those Gleeson sisters can have my little sister as she will need some new mischievous sisters to argue with.
Viv McGregor can have my scrabble sets. All three. She must play against Amy Coopes once a month and must beat her or else Amy gets them.
Ali Benton can have my large book about horses.
Siobhan Towner can have all my stockings. And can she please sing 'Poor Unfortunate Souls' at my funeral. Jess Maynard should sing 'Dream a little Dream' and Anna can sing do an HSC-style monologue about life and death then sing 'New York, New York' in a new york accent. The entire troupe can sing a medley of songs while I am wheeled off to be cremated, including, but not limited to, 'Light my Fire,' 'Eternal Flame,' 'We didn't start the fire' and 'Beds are burning.' Tim Hansen, get arranging.
Lisa Bowen (and thus Kate Duffy) can have my my Australian passport for Lisa. She will need to gain some weight, have a shortening operation and a nose job but then she is welcome to my identity in order to remain in Australia!
...hmm. Conundrum. If Lisa takes my identity, will she need all my things so as to prove she is me? In which case the rest of you get nothing! Oh. Damn. That's it then. Kate and Lisa get the lot.
Monday, 29 March 2010
- ▼ 2010 (17)
- ► 2009 (38)
- For maevegobash: yeah, I just like thinking/writing/talking about myself. That's what blogs are for, right? For vegepalooza: I have been vegetarian for 25 years now - so that's always for me. My mothers cooked a storm up in the kitchen and I am carrying the torch filling my friends bellies at every opportunity. I love food and want to share my recipes, tips and tricks here to encourage creative vegetarian eating. There will also be a lot of vegan recipes for my friends with more willpower than me (sorry kids, I just love the cheese). Anyway enjoy, feel free to criticise and most of all Happy Eating!